My dad went in for major surgery, my mother has dementia

"Shamoononon drives like a farmer" (shamoononon)
02/03/2020 at 14:38 • Filed to: shitposting

and then my best friend lost her brother of only 42 years old. This past week has been non stop.

What a fucky week.

DISCUSSION (21)

Spanfeller is a twat > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 14:49

I hope your father’s surgery is successful. As for the rest... I lament those occurred.... Dealing with a loss and also with something like dementia in the family is very, very weakening... Certainly very hard things. My family is not dealing with my grandmother’s dementia in a healthy way at all.... And I guess the only thing I can think to say is that you need to keep fighting, and stay strong.

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 14:58

I am so sorry to hear that. A huge amount to deal with at once.

Without going into details, I have a live-in family member with dementia, and it is a very difficult thing to deal with, especially when attention needs to be focused on other things.

My condolences, and best wishes going foward, for you, your family, and your beloved friends.

Just remember, all anyone really truly MUST do is to breathe in and out, and then take little things one at a time.

CalzoneGolem > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 15:01

Sorry that sounds pretty rough.

Svend > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 15:18

Really sorry to hear that mate. It’s a lot going on at once when even one of those would require much if not most of your attention.

arl > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 15:19

Hang in there. My Mom had dementia before she passed. I was a rough 2 years. Make sure to make time with friends and take some time for yourself.

DasWauto > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 15:22

My commiserations. Sparing the details, my mom is suffering from dementia as well and if I may offer some advice: seek out any public programs that can help keep her active and engaged. My mom goes with such a program every week and it’s both good for her and a bit of relief for my dad, who can is largely her caretaker these days. Try to minimize and not focus on the negative effects and s avour any good times you can have with her .

I hope we see advances in dementia research and treatment in the near future, it’s an awful thing to witness and a fate I don’t wish upon anyone. Best wishes.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > DasWauto
02/03/2020 at 15:42

Thank you for understanding. By chance is this service free and at what stage do they still take them? My mother is only out of bed for a few hours a day.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast.
02/03/2020 at 15:43

Thank you for understanding. I have been super anxious for a few weeks now. It seems non stop.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > arl
02/03/2020 at 15:44

I’m very sorry to hear you had to go through that.

DasWauto > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 15:52

I’m in Canada so options wil vary for you but the program is mostly free for us, they only ask for reimbursement for any meals and such costs incurred on trips they might take. I’m not sure if and what limitations there are for eligibility but my understanding is they have a wide range of patients and have a very caring staff, which is heartening.

I wish I could offer more specific advice for you.

Chariotoflove > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 16:23

I can relate. I hope your dad pulls through surgery okay and we have a celebratory post coming.

Jim Spanfeller > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 16:46

My grandmother had dementia before she died. It was heartbreaking to watch her repeatedly forget who my grandpa was , but I did end up developing an enormous amount of respect for my grandpa, because he stuck by her side, taking care of her and never stopping loving her until the very end. Anyways, my heart and prayers are with you. I hope things start going better for you soon!

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 16:46

It can seem like that with any of those issues individually, let alone compounded.

Hopefully you have people around you that can help out, and take turns caring for your mom, to give you some bandwidth to work with your dad, and your friend , as well, and getting some time to recover yourself, before going back into the fray.

Exhaustion, as well as anxiety, ends up being a contributing factor on top of the rest... and ultimately it is not selfish to stave off exhaustion and anxiety in order for you to be better capable of helping others, as well as spreading a bit of calm to them.

Load Balancing is the term in the technological world. Not relying on a single point , and then overtaxing it to the breaking point... but spreading out the work load with a margin of overhead capacity built in to avoid overload. It isn’t fair to anyone to be put in the position of becoming the single point of failure under too much load.

That said, I am sure, like everyone, you are likely capable of more than you realize, as well. You may find that your capability exceeds what you thought, with a bit of methodology to using that capability.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 17:11

Sorry to hear about that. It’s a lot to tackle at once. I heard a radio show about how one couple dealt with a parent with dementia. We use some of the techniques when visiting my wife’s uncle who also has dementia. Listen to it for yourself and see if their advice might provide you some relief.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/532/magic-words/act-two

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 18:00

Sorry to hear friend....a lot for anybody to take. Chin up and you are strong enough to make it through this. :)

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 18:31

Dad’s got Parkinson’s setting on.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
02/03/2020 at 18:44

I’m really sorry to hear that.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 19:24

Fuck.

Lots of people’s mums with problems.

I’m in the same boat, but the TL;DR is that it all sucks ass but that we can try to make and/or remember as many good moments as possible.

I hope everyone who posts here remembers that people are reading, even if they may not know what to say.

Hoping the best for you and your family since that’s all I can offer.

wafflesnfalafel > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/03/2020 at 21:50

That f’n sucks... positive thoughts in your direction.

My dad’s twin brother passed last fall after multiple different issues. It wasn’t until then that his wife’s dementia quickly progressed. After his last stroke my dad wanted to see him in the hospital before he passed, was all torn up, needed a ride and called me. The result is probably the least legal run I will ever make - but I got dad to the hospital to see his bro before he died. “Just close your eyes dad, I got this, we’ll make it.” And if you saw a blue WRX flying up I-5 at 110, that wasn’t us. I figured it was the oppo gods smiling on us...

pip bip - choose Corrour > Shamoononon drives like a farmer
02/04/2020 at 03:16

things will get better

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Spanfeller is a twat
02/05/2020 at 01:16

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